Swap
by Constellation Temptation
Summary: What if the characters of the series all swapped personalities? How would the series go with a competent GiR that wishes to conquer Earth, a ZiM that wants everybody to be happy, Irkens that want to bring peace to the universe, a paranormal loving Gaz, and a video game loving Dib? Well, it can't be less chaotic then the original series, can it?
1. The Nightmare Begins

Hundreds of ships all were flying towards a planet. This planet was Conventia, the convention hall planet. All were in a good mood, for it was the day of the Great Assigning.

Hundreds of floating screens showed a guide to the planet. Welcoming irkens and reminding them where they parked. These Irkens took the complimentary teleporters to the planet's surface, where they got into one of the multiple single file lines heading towards the main building. These aliens were Green and had giant, bug like eyes that bulged out of their heads and long black antennae.

"Universal peace is here!" a strange squid like robot thing on top of the building repeated, raising it's nubby arms every time the loop reached 'here'. "Universal peace is here!"

As everyone filed into the room, one of the screens announced,

"Wiggle your antennae in salute, because here they come. Your kind and peaceful leaders! The all mighty... Tallest!" Two Tall Irkens, one wearing all red, the other, all purple emerged from the floor in an elevator. The crowd cheered and applauded.

"Thank you! Thank you!" The purple one waves to the audience.

The doors to the elevator open and the too walk, or rather, _float _out.

"Welcome loyal Irkens." The red one greeted. "You are all the best our species have to offer. After all, you are all special in your own special way. Good for you! No really, good for you. Your all wonderful people."

"Standing behind us however are those we deemed skilled enough for one of the most important roles in Operation Peace 2!" A holographic screen behind them lights up, revealing a map of the known universe.

"While you in the audience get to sit peacefully and watch."

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to." Purple assured.

"Now these wonderful, happy Irkens will each be assigned to another planet."

"There they will blend in with the angry, unkind inhabitants, and try to rise in power so that we can insure that the hostile planet becomes a peaceful paradise, and bring peace to the universe!"

"Now... let the assigning begin!" the crowd is silent, however one person in the back gave a small cheer.

"Step forward Larb." Red motioned for the small irken to come onto the stage. Larb steps up onto a ramo that leads to where his leaders stand.

"You seem to have grown a little since you last stood before us." Red commented. "You've been assigned to Blorch, home of the slaughtering rat people." Larb's eyes began to tear up. There was no way he would be able to bring peace to that planet. Should he tell the Tallest this and show weakness in front of thousands, or should he go to the planet, and fail miserably, failing everyone?

"I'm sorry my Tallest!" the Larb sobbed. "I am not good enough to do my mission on such a planet! I have failed you!" he fell to his knees. Both Tallest crouched down to the Invader's height, no easy feat, and patted his on the back.

"Thank you for your honesty." Purple said. "You have now been assigned the planet Vort, home of the Universe's most comfortable couch."

Larb sniffed. "Thank you." he replied with gratitude. He walked off stage with his assignment sheet joyfully.

"Next, Spleen." Purple announced.

"Ooh." both Tallest are impressed by the big, long head of Spleen, who eyes them quizzically. Meanwhile, at the back of the auditorium, a small Irken tries to make his way to the front.

"Excuse me, sorry, coming through. Please don't mind me."

"And finally, Invader Skoodge!" A short and fat Irken with a stained uniform walks up.

"Oh, now that's just sad." Red muttered under his breath, careful not to let Skoodge hear him. He didn't want to hurt the little guy's feelings after all.

" Sorry Skoodge. As you are last, and the shortest, we have no choice but to give you Planet Blorch, home of the slaughtering rat people. Thank you."

"Sorry, didn't mean to step on your foot, just need to get through, Could you please move out of my way a bit?"

"Please, help yourself to some nachos, and we'll see you at the equipping station."

"Yes, have as many as you like!"

"No no no wait!" an irken waves his arm out of the crowd.

"Huh?" Red turns around to see an Irken crawl onto the stage.

"Oh no." Purple mutters. The irken lifts his head up to look at his leaders.

"Zim." They say in unison. Zim walks up to where the Tallest are. Skoodge walks of stage slowly.

"Sorry I'm late my Tallest. I lost my invitation and couldn't find it. And I wanted to bring lollipops for everyone!" he takes a jar out of his metal backpack and hands it to Purple.

"Thank you Zim! And we're sorry too. We almost forgot you were coming!" Red apologized. He handed the little Irken a sandwich. "Everyone, it seems we have one last assignment to give!"

"Now, you will be sent to a recently discovered planet that we have yet to be to. We don't even know the name for it." Tallest Red floats up to the giant map behind him. "It is on the edge of our known universe. See? Right here."

"Ooh. A secret mission." Zim smiled.

"As you are one of the most friendliest Irken we know, we have no doubt you will show the natives the errors of their ways and help bring peace."

"It's only a matter of time before all war has ended and we can all coexist in harmony."

"Maybe we can all make curly fries together!" Purple yelled, cheering.

Now, on this mysterious, far away planet, a little girl is on the roof of her house. There is a small satellite next to her, connected to her computer. Purple's last words echoed through her headphones.

"They're coming!" she gasped. She jumps of the roof and slides down from a pipe. Meanwhile, in the kitchen, he older brother in playing an online video game, when it goes to static.

"Gaz!" he shouted. "You para-crap is interfering with the WiFi! Fix it!"

Gaz slides down the rest of the pipe and through an open window, and falls into the kitchen sink. Her brother looks up from his static filled game. The little girl leaps out of the soapy water filled sink and runs over to her father.

"Dad! Dad! They're coming! I was on the roof and I heard this transmission was coming through, and-" her father shushed her.

"Not now honey... I'm very busy! I'm making..." lightning comes out of her father's latest invention. "A BAGEL!" he holds up a perfect bagel proudly. Gaz stares at it for a moment before running to her brother, who is sitting at the table.

"Dib, they're coming! They really are!"

"Who's coming Gaz? The mailman?" Dib asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I... don't know.' She answered.

* * *

The two Tallest stood in front of a large machine. Purple puts down a small metal... thing.

"This is your Standard Issued Information Retrieval unit, SIR for short. It will help you gather information on the customs of the planet. After all, we want people to keep their religions and customs when we bring peace. Because changing them would make them sad. And to preserve them we must know of them."

"And sadness is bad!" Purple shouted.

"Yes, it's very bad." Red agreed. "It's also a thermos."

"Who wants this one?"

"I do!" someone shouted. The Tallest toss the compacted robot at them, only for it to hit him in the face.

"Sorry!"

"Everyone else, line up and take a robot." everyone lines up on their orders. Out of the machine comes a long mechanical tentacle, and the compacted SIR units slide down it. The first Invader in line marches up, and a SIR detaches from the wire and onto it's feet.

"SIR! Would you please go warm up my ship's engine?" Larb asked politely.

"Yes SIR! Since you asked so nicely!" It replied in a happy voice, it's eyes now glowing blue as it recognized Larb as it's new master. It followed him, giggling joyfully as the two skip to the ship. Zim steps forward.

"Finally! A robot friend of my own! I wonder if it likes frozen yogurt!" he wondered aloud. The Tallest look uneasily at each other.

"Um, Zim? We have a _slightly _different model for you..." Red trailed off, a worried look on his face. A small section of the floor opened up, and a large capsule rose out of the ground.

"You see, _this _SIR unit was a test. However it malfunctioned, and started destroying Irk, ruining Operation Peace 1." Purple explained.

"We think we may have fixed it, but it's still a bit experimental. We aren't sure if it will work well or not. While it's extremely advanced, it's also very dangerous." Red continued. Several tall guards took out large guns and all pointed it at the capsule, to ensure everyone's safety should it malfunction.

"However, we believe it can help you on your mission." Red floated over towards the capsule, and pressed a button on top of it. It slowly opened, releasing a lot of smoke. A pair of red eyes visibly glowed as a small robot stepped out. It let it's gaze wander around the room, before finally landing on Zim, who looked at it curiously, his head cocked to the side. Information on the Irken appeared in the corner of the robots vision.

_Name: Zim_

_Age: 16 Irken years, 59 Vortian years, 1 Mekrobian year, 169 "Earth?" years_

_Intelligence__: questionable _

_Master?_

"We have already downloaded everything we know about your assigned planet into it's brain, so it should help you." Red explained, looking at the robot nervously, who's gaze was focused on Zim. Finally, it walked up to him, and saluted.

"GiR, reporting for duty." it said. The Tallest, and almost everybody else in the room let out a sigh of relief. It's eyes never changed to a friendly blue however, and stayed red.

"GiR? What does the G stand for?" Zim asked curiously.

"It stands for 'Good'" GiR explained. Zim brightened.

"Oh, Ok!" he said cheerfully. Convinced that he now had the robots trust, he marched over to his ship. GiR followed obediently, glaring at everybody else out of the corner of his mechanical eye as he walked past.


	2. Road Trip

"Alright GiR! Here we go! The mystery planet awaits!" Zim said to his robot minion happily.

"Uh huh." The advanced SIR unit replied distractedly. "That's great."

"It is isn't it? Nobody has even heard of this planet before! We get to explore a whole new world, program a whole new language into my PAK, and learn about the species that lives there! A whole planet of new friends! And I suppose we'll have to learn the name of the planet too." Zim rambled.

"It's called Earth."

"What's called Earth?" The Irken asked.

"The planet. It's called earth." The red eyed robot replied. Zim looked confused.

"But I thought the Tallest didn't know the name of the planet?"

"They don't. But I do." He said simply. "In fact, I know far more than they programmed me to know. The fools!"

"That doesn't sound very nice GiR. We have to respect others if we want to be respected. Being mean doesn't acomplish anything." Gir had to stop himself from rolling his eyes.

"Look, let's just get something straight. I know what I'm doing, but you obviously don't. Your mind has been tainted with the thoughts of peace of friendship." GiR spat out those two words like they were a bad taste in his mouth.

"Your best to leave conquering the planet to me."

"Conquer the planet?" Zim giggled. "You're pretty funny GiR. I didnt know you were programmed with a sense of humor."

GiR sighed. His master was a gullible fool. Though that would be a good thing. If he was too smart, he would be able to stop GiR. Better he stay clueless.

"Yes, I'm hilarious. Now to bring doom to Planet Earth!" The robot cackled. Zim let out a small laugh too.

"Hey GiR! I just came up with a song. It's called the doom song! Wanna hear it?"

"No."

"Here I go! Doom doom doom doom da doom doom! Doom doom doom, doom doom doom doom doom, da doom doom dodoom!" Great, he was just singing doom over and over again! This was gonna be a long trip.

_6 Months Later_...

GiR was clenching his metal hands together to resist the urge to strangle the Irken.

_Just think of the mission... think of the mission..._ He thought to himself as Zim continued to sing happily beside him.

"Proximity warning." The ship alerted. "Planet ahead." GiR grinned widely.

"Finally, after months of being trapped inside this small ship I will finally be able to begin!"

"Ooh, that planet looks pretty!" Zim pointed out. "All blue and green. It looks nice."

"Uh huh. Whatever. Just help me observe what's normal for these... "Earthenoids" so that we know how to blend in." GiR ordered.

"Okey-dokie! Hey, what's that?"

"That's a squirrel."

"And that?" Zim pointed at another random thing.

"It appears to be a playground."

"Can we build our home here? I like playing in playgrounds."

"Absolutely not. The sound of children playing would be far too distracting." GiR answered.

"Oh." Was the only response he got. GiR looked out at the Earth neighborhoods below. Where would be the best place to build? That cul de sac over there had a rather large space between two apartments, perfect for a base...

"I have decided." He declared. "We build here!" Zim stopped the ship overhead and landed. The two got out and looked at the street before them. GiR narrowed his eyes, looking for any sign of movement. Nothing.

"Perfect." He smirked. "Now for our disguises." He and Zim approached the ship. The two pods on either side of it opened.

"Good. Now choose you disguise." He told Zim. The Irken looked through a few.

"Don't pick that one, it's too ugly. Not that one either, it's too stinky." GiR said over his shoulder. A third disguise appeared.

"I like this one." Zim told him.

"Hm... I suppose that one will have to do." He pushed Zim I between the two pods.

"Ow! Youch! It hurts! It hurts a lot!" He cried from inside. When it opened, it revealed a green skinned boy with black hair that was styled neatly into a quif, and purple/blue eyes.

"Good enough. It's my turn." GiR went up to the ship. "Hm, now what should I be... I'm think, maybe, a dog... Yes, that could work." He browsed through his options before landing on one. After exiting the pod, he looks at himself.

_This doesn't look like the picture _Gir thought. He was wearing a one piece jacket thing with a hood resembling a dogs head. The zipper was in plain view. He sighed.

"Oh well" As long as it worked, it would be fine.

He watched Zim take out a pad out of the corner of his eye.

"What are you doing?" GiR asked his master slowly.

"I'm designing our house!" He said cheerfully. Zim designing the base _probably _wasn't a good idea.

"Give me that!" He whisper-yelled, swiping the pad away from him. He began to sketch out a model of the house.

"Can you add a couple animal things in front? And make the house green and purple!" The Irken, who was watching over the robots shoulder, requested.

"Fine!" If it would keep him quiet. He added a couple additions to the drawing and admired his work before placing the pen back inside. He activated the drill and placed it on the rock solid ground, and watched at it burrowed its way into the Earth.

"Quickly, we must hide! We must not be seen!" The two of them quickly ran and hid behind a fire hydrant. Within seconds, the base had built itself, and a green house now stood where there had once been nothing. Several car alarms went off, waking up the neighbors. Several people looked out of their houses at the newest additions to their city. With all eyes on them, GiR handed his master the leash, and began walking into the house, dragging Zim with him.

"Welcome home son!" Two robots that sent off green sparks greeted them at the door. GiR quickly pushed passed them and closed the door.

"Step one went perfectly." He grinned at his success. The planet would be his any day now.


	3. Welcome Home

Zim marched into the kitchen.

"Uh, GiR, where's the entrance into the lower levels?" he asked, looking around.

"I disguised it as a waste bin." The red eyed robot strode over to the trash bin in the corner and stepped on the pedal that opened it. Why wasn't there an elevator or stairs? Why hide it? Zim didn't linger on these questions and instead just stepped into the trash can. The elevator was narrow, and there was barely enough room for him and GiR.

"This is so exciting, isn't it? We're the first ones to visit this planet ever! I mean, there are the inhabitants and stuff, but this is awesome!" Zim said enthusiasticly.

"Uh huh." He replied. After a few more seconds the elevator stopped, and the two were able to exit.

"GiR... Why are there so many weapons down here?" The Irken lowered his antennae. He looked ar"ound the room, looking up at the weapons that lined the walls. Guns, robots, armor, mechanical looking spears and crossbows, and many items that Zim had never seen or even heard of before.

"Self defense." The robot replied shortly before walking out of the elevator and marching past his master.

"But do we really need so many?" He asked, running to catch up with the SIR unit. GiR didn't answer, and just kept walking. There really was a lot of useless stuff down here. There was what appeared to be a room for dissecting stuff (never gonna get used) a futuristic torture chamber (waste of space) a room with an electric chair (sell that ASAP!) and a room with a giant screen and beanbags (wait...)

"Is that a video game room?" Zim asked hopefully. GiR sighed.

"Yes, go ahead." He motioned for his master to go inside and play. Zim grinned from ear to ear (he doesn't have ears...) and bolted into the room, and jumped onto a beanbag.

The robot continued on before coming towards a computer. He hopped into the curved chair and began typing.

"Now to find a way to learn about this sick, _filthy _planetof _dirt_!" he said aloud. An image of a white building appeared on his screen.

"What is... 'Skool'?" the robot began looking for more information.

"Hm, It seems to be a learning facility. Perfect! Zim will begin tomorrow." he announced.

**yeah, this is a really short chapter. it's mostly just a filler. The next chapter is where the action finally happens. and it'll probably be longer too. **


	4. Calm Friendly Stroll through the City

**Finally! The chapter you have all been waiting for! The encounter that has been long awaited! Your questions shall be answered! The world will be doomed! Kittens will rain down from the skies! Well, probably not, BUT STILL! Anyway, the story can finally start for real now.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Invader Zim, or the cover art**

Zim looked down at the glob of... whatever that had been served onto his plate, and then back up at the lunchlady.

"Um, do you have any Tacos?" he asked innocently. The lunch lady twitched slightly.

"Um, pardon?" she said in a shrill voice.

"Well, i'm just not really sure that this is edible." the green boy looked down at the black slime on his tray. Did it just move?

"Uh, no, we don't have any tacos." she replied before motioning for him to go away. "Now could you leave? Your holding up the lunch line." Zim just shrugged, and began looking for a place to sit. He walked up to a near empty table.

"Hey, do you mind if I-?"

"This seat is taken."

He moved on to the next table.

"Can I please-"

"Get lost loser." A girl with braces glared at him.

"That wasn't very nice." Zim mumbled.

"Do I look like I care? Now stop stinking up our table!" her fist slammed down causing him to flinch.

"Okay, okay, I'll go sit elsewhere." Boy, was this mission gonna be hard. Were all humans like this? As he continued to look for an empty seat, Gaz watched his every move like a hawk.

"Dib, who is _that_?" she asked without looking away. Her brother looked up momentarily from his book to see who she was talking about.

"Oh yeah, that's Zim. New kid in my class. Just came today actually." he muttered.

"Kid? That's no _kid_!" Gaz's voice raised in volume, attracting a few stares from her classmates. Noticing that their table was almost entirely empty, he walked over.

"Hey, is this seat taken?" he asked politely with a friendly smile. Gaz leapt up onto the table.

"Everyone! How are you so blind!?" she yelled, startling the small irken. Everyone in the cafeteria turned to look at her. "Am I the only one who sees the _alien_?" Zim looked to either side of him, and then behind him, and then even looked up at the ceiling before pointing to himself.

"Are you talking about me?"

"Yes i'm talking about you!" she shouted before turning her attention back to her audience. "That is no human child! He's an alien! An alien! One of the monsters I've been talking about!"

"Monster...?" Zim looked a little hurt. He wasn't a monster. He was here to help!

"He's here to conquer Earth!" No, he was here to help.

"Man, not this again!" a girl next to Zim groaned, rolling her eyes. "That girl's got an overactive imagination." she explained.

Gaz refused to let them ignore her. Not this time. She would _make _them believe her this time!

"What about his horrible green head!" Zim frowned. He liked his head. He liked to think it was a nice head. Why would she call it horrible?

"Just because I'm different doesn't mean you should make fun of me." He stated. Was she being mean on purpose?

"And he's got no ears!" The purple haired girl turned to another classmate. "I mean, have you ever seen someone without ears? Is that part of you being _different _Zim!?" The disguised irken looked down at his feet, ashamed. He was different than everyone else. Did that make him bad? "Yes." he responded sadly.

The students all turn to look accusingly at Gaz, who is still standing on the table.

"Man Gaz, you think just because someone's different, it makes them an alien?" A child in the front asked.

"I guess I'm an alien too, huh Gaz?" Dib who had been silently reading his book, purposely ignoring his sibling, spoke up.

"He's gonna take over earth if you don't listen to me!" No he wasn't! Damnit, he was here to help!

when nobody reacted, the little girl sighed in frustration, hopped off the table, and grabbed a nearby crayon.

"Ok." she took a deep breath and then let it out. She quickly drew two small pictures on the wall. "_This!" _she pointed to an image labeled "Normal Human 'Bean'". Yes, I know, great spelling Gaz.

"This is a human. You know, human. It's what you guys are. Us. Now over _here_, over here is Zim!" she motioned towards the other image of a small little bug eyed alien with antennae labeled "Zim".

"See the difference? Anyone? Anyone? Questions? Things to add?" She looked towards the group of children around her for a response.

"Uh, yeah, just one." a blonde haired girl said. "What's wrong with you? All you talk about is aliens and seeing Yeti's in your basement." This brought a couple giggles from a few other girls.

"He was stealing our Ice cream!" she shouted defiantly. Zim just stood awkwardly over to the side. Gaz glared at him.

"He's cunning. Don't let him trick you! I know what I'm talking about, and the proof is standing right. Here." she growled, grabbed his wrist, and pulled him to stand in front of the others.

"Well, he does look pretty weird." One student remarked.

"And he is standing..." another commented.

"Ya see? Actual proof that I was right all along! That everything I have said is true! That everything is real! That i'm... I'm-"

"You know Gaz, you have a pretty big imagination. I wish mine was like yours. I think i'd like to meet a yeti." Zim interrupted. He had no idea what a Yeti was, but it sounded like a cute, fluffy animal of some kind. And he liked those kinds of animals.

"Yeah, her imagination is pretty wild." a student agreed.

"I can't believe we almost believed one of her crazy stories!" another added.

"Imagination!? This isn't make-believe! It's all real!" Gaz shouted hopelessly as the small crowd dispersed. Gaz growled and turned to face the alien, who had pulled his arm out of her vice like grasp, and was now rubbing his sore wrist.

"This isn't over Zim!" she said, getting all up and into his face. "I _will _stop you!"

Just then, a rainbow shown into the cafeteria from the hallway. Flowers and glitter were blown in by a nonexistent wind, and the sparkly petals forming into the shape of a person. There was a bright pink glow, and a woman appeared before them.

"Alright children!" the elderly woman said happily. "It's an early day! It's time to go home now!" she was wearing her gray hair in a tight bun and was wearing a tie die dress with a big purple peace sign on it. The kids all cheered.

"And since it's Wednesday, you all get to pick a candy from the jar!" she took out a large glass jar filled to the brim with toffees, peppermints, jellybeans, and lollipops.

"We love you Ms. Bitters!" everyone chimed as they got into a single file line in front of her. Each took a sweet of their preference before being let out of the school. After a few minutes of waiting, Zim finally found himself outside, chewing on a handful of jellybeans. Just as he swallowed them all, he noticed that a shadow was looming over him. He turned to see Gaz standing at the top of the stairs.

"You think your _sooo _smart. But you can't fool me."

"Huh?" confused, he tilted his head to the side.

"Don't play dumb. Maybe your cruddy little disguise worked on everybody else, but i'll get them to see the truth!" Gaz said, determined to achieve this new goal. Zim blinked,and there was a moment of silence before he gave her a large smile.

"Well, I think you should always follow your dreams! That way you can make them a reality, and be happy with your life!"

"Don't try to act innocent!" she shouted, sliding down the railing of the steps to stand in front of him. She took out an advanced looking collar. "I ordered this from one of my Crop Circle magazines."

"Oh, it's pretty! What is it?" Zim asked.

"Its an alien sleep collar. Guaranteed to render all alien life forms unconscious!"

"Wait... How do you know it works if you've never found an alien before?" Seriously, he wanted to know. Gaz thought for a split second before grinning.

"I'm gonna find out right now!" she yelled quickly, and leaped at Zim before he could process her sentence. He let out a small squeak before running away, the girl giving chase. They both run into a girl trying to get into her parent's car, knocking her over.

"Sorry!" Zim turns around, running past Gaz, and speedily helped her pick up her papers, before he resumed running.

"Um, is this a game of some sort? Because if so, I don't think I really want to play!" He shouted back at the purple haired girl chasing him. He jumped through the window of an open car door to avoid a collision with someone, and onto the street.

"Hey, be careful! No running in the road!" the crossing guard shouted at him, accidentally hitting Gaz with her stop sign. Apparently not hearing her, he continued running down an alleyway. Seeing all the stuff littering the ground, he grabbed onto a pair of pants and slid down a clothes line like it was a zipline, causing various items of clothing to fall off. He could apologize for knocking clothes off later, right?

Gaz quickly cut off the exit to the alley way, holding the collar up. Letting go of the pants in surprise and panic, Zim fell and hit a crate of oranges, and knocked Gaz over. He fled into the street, almost getting hit by a car, which proceeds to honk at him. With only a moments hesitation, he clambered on top of the car, and begins to leap from car to car. Gaz get's up and follows him down bellow on the side walk, still holding the collar threateningly.

Zim gasps as she cuts in front of him and onto the next car. With nowhere else to go, he leaped onto a nearby food truck.

"You like doughnuts." a woman with a British accent's voice comes from the speakers on the top of the vehicle. "You like doughnuts. You love them. You cannot resist doughnuts. To resist is hopeless. Your existence is meaningless without doughnuts!"

Zim climbed up onto the giant fake doughnut on top and looked down to see Gaz laughing maniacally down below. He quickly looked for another place to go, and noticed the school bus that has pulled up along side the food truck to drop off kids. Without a second thought, Zim takes a running leap and lands with a thud onto the school bus, just in time for Gaz to climb up the food truck. Before it drove away, she jumped across the gap and onto the bus.

Zim backed away from the approaching girl, only to slip and nearly fall off the stationary vehicle. He was able to hang on to the edge of the roof before he could fall.

"They might name your autopsy after me!" Gaz yells proudly. Zim's eyes widen comically.

"Autopsy?" his voice sounded more high and shrill than usual. Nobody had told _him _human would dissect him!

"Well, technically it would be a vivisection, since you would still be alive." Zim let out a small squeak of terror. Dissected _alive!?_

With the rumble of the engine roaring to life as the only warning, the bus started moving again. Zim held on tightly, but still lost his grip and was sent flying off. He let out a grunt of pain as he fell on top a metal fence. The small irken let out a sigh of relief at having escaped.

He saw something move out of the corner of his eye, and turned to see a black cat sitting on the fence next to him.

"Oh hello little kitty!" he greeted happily before petting it on the head. A purr erupted from it as he stroked behind it's furry ears.

Gaz, determined not to lose, jumped off of the bus and onto the fence, knocking off the cat in the process. It hissed angrily at her from the ground.

"Your mine Zim!" she shouted, only to be knocked of the fence and attacked by the furious feline. Zim stared down at the bushes Gaz fell into, debating whether to help her out or not. Maybe later. A robot arm unfolded from his PAK, attached to which was his personal communicator. He quickly contacts his robot minion.

"GiR! I request your assistance! There isn't much time!" he yelled desperately.

"Yes Sir!" he responded. In seconds, Zim is able see a trail of smoke coming from behind the SiR unit. GiR landed in front of his master, and saluted.

"I need you to get me out of here now!" he shouted before coughing. "Please."

GiR didn't question him. He grabed his master, and using his jets, shooted straight for the base.

A few moments passed, and Gaz crawled out of the bushes she was knocked into, covered in scratches. The alien got away. She took a deep breath before erupting into a small fit of coughs.

"Seriously, why did that thing have to leave so much smoke behind?" she coughed, frustrated, and tried to wave it away. Suddenly she stops. A trail of smoke! She instantly brightened, and followed the trail.

* * *

GiR slowed to a stop in front of the base, and began to descend. He gently placed Zim on the ground.

"Master! What is wrong! What happened! Are you injured?" he questioned, examining Zim for injuries.

"I'm fine GiR." he assures.

"There you are." Gaz says slowly, dramatically emerging from the clouds of smoke, holding the collar tightly. Zim let out a small 'eep'.

"Who is this?" GiR narrowed his eyes at the human larvae.

"Um, this is Gaz, my new friend. She isn't very nice." he warned. GiR only nodded in response, before motioning Zim to go into the house, and shutting the door behind him.

"And who are you?" Gaz asked venomously. GiR stood up straighter.

"My name is GiR." he introduced proudly. "I am the greatest, most advanced technology the universe has to offer."

"Pfft, yeah right! I mean look at you! Your smaller than me! And besides, you don't look that advanced. You look more like one of those toys my brother used to make to guard his room with!" Gaz giggled. GiR glared. His eyes glowed a brighter red. Instantly a beam of light came from them, causing the sleep collar in Gaz's hand to evaporate into nothing. The girl gasped in surprise.

"This is your only warning girl! Leave my Master alone, and stay _out_ of my _way_!" The disguised robot shouted before walking into the base and slamming the door. Gaz stood still in shock. But only for a moment.

"Your little tricks won't work on me Zim! I know where you live now!" she stuck her head up at the window.

"You can't hide forever! And if you can, then I'll _wait _forever! I've been waiting for this all my life! Not even your little dog thing can protect you for long! You may have won this round, but i'll be back! And from here to the ends of the earth-"

"Bothersome smeet." GiR muttered under his "breath" (Robots don't breathe... hm.)

"To the depths of the oceans!" Gaz continued to rant outside the door.

* * *

On board the Massive, the two Tallest happily munch on some snacks. One of the irkens looked up from their screen to address his leaders.

"Incoming transmissions from... Earth." He had to squint to read the name of the planet. A large screen displayed the name in English (Why not Irken you say? We may never know.) Red took a sip from his drink.

"What is... Earth?" Purple's antennae lift up curiously.

A large screen apears, showing Zim out of disguise, GiR standing loyally next the him.

"Hello my Tallest! This is Zim reporting in sirs!" the small irken saluted happily.

"Oh! Zim!" Tallest Purple exclaimed. "You landed safely on your assigned planet it seems."

"Uh huh!" Zim nodded enthusiastically. "And i'm ready to give you all the details of the planet and the mission I have gathered so far!"

"That's great Zim..." Red trailed off. His gaze wandered over to the right hand side of the screen. As intrigued as he was about this new planet, he was more worried about the special SIR unit they had entrusted him with. It's red eyes still glowed red as it glared straight at them.

"-But i'm afraid I don't have time to give you information verbally." The Tallest snapped their attention back to the loyal Irken. "I'll have to send you a written report as soon as possible."

"Oh, yes! Of course! We fully expect you to complete that!" Red replied.

"Yup! Well, this is Zim, signing off!" Zim turned towards his robot. "Say goodbye too GiR!"

"Bye." he said shortly, and the transmission was cut, leaving the tallest to look at nothing but static.

"You know, I'm still not sure we made the right decision sending that SIR with Zim." Red told his co-leader.

"Well, it's a new, hostile planet. He needs an advanced helper to complete his mission." Purple interjected, but he too didn't seem so sure of their decision. "Besides, it's too late now. They're months away."

"I suppose that's true. We'll just have to hope for the best."

**Yes! The chapter is complete! I hope it was what you all hoped it to be. So let's review:**

**Gaz is a paranormalist who is trying to capture Zim. No surprise there. She is a grade lower than him. Her older brother is in the same class. Ms Bitters is a happy hippie who is always kind. The cafeteria still serves dookie. And the Tallest still aren't sure about the manipulative GiR! Well, I think that's about it for now. Please leave a review. Reviews inspire me to make more chapters, and I really like all of your great feedback! You guys are awesome!**


	5. Bestest Friend

**AN-It's been 3,000 years... In case anyone still doesn't know about the revival of Zim (no offense, but do you literally live under a rock? Is your internet connection stable? Have you been dead for over a decade too? These are all legitimate questions and I expect legit answers in the reviews) But yes, anyway, new comic, bla bla bla awesomeness. In related news, i'm also back from the grave. Hell is a really boring place btw. The wi-fi is really bad, everything is either made of rock, bones, the souls of the eternally toruted or on fire. I'd rate it about 0/5 evil GiR units, would not recommend, would not go back a third time. Anyways, now that my pointless words of doom are out of the way, let's continue on with the story!**

_Bestest Friend_

A normal human boy sat in the cafeteria, as you must very well know most normal children to do, poking his... what is that on his lunch tray? What do you mean it's lunch, that can't possibly be edible! Well I guess the food explains the multiple idiots in the infirmary... but yes, this normal, green human boy was sitting down at his otherwise empty table, poking the gruel on his plate, trying not to let loose his innards, and pointedly ignoring the look of death a certain purple haired child was sending his way. Nope, he could still feel her glare burning into the back of his head. He internally shuddered. His new friend had a scary look on her face today.

He poked the unsavory slop once more before pushing it over to the other end of the table. Yeah, he couldn't eat that.

Shame the cafeteria had ignored his request to serve Tacos for lunch (though they did consider giving out cheap burritos)

"Hey, do you mind if I join you?" Zim looked up to see a blonde female with squinted eyes standing next to his seat.

"No, I don't mind at all!" he smiled.

"Thanks, Gretchen took my regular seat to spite me. My name is Jessica by the way." she took a seat across from him. "Your name is Zim, right?"

"Yeah, I just moved here a few days ago!" he replied.

"Oh, that's cool. Where did you move here from?" the human, "Jessica" asked conversationally.

"Um... where i'm from...?" It was a simple enough question. Except he couldn't tell her about Irk. And he didn't know any of the other places on Earth yet. And refusing to answer would be impolite, not to mention suspicious. How to answer this...

"I'll tell you where from!" Another girl slammed her fists onto the table. Guess who.

"Hi Gaz!"

"Quiet you. I'm trying to convince the innocents that you're an evil invader. It's rude to interrupt."

Oh... Sorry." Zim hung his head slightly so that he was looking down at the table rather than her.

"Look, we all know how "imaginative" you are, but if you say he's from space again, I will... um... throw this straw at you!" Jessica picked up a bendy straw from off the edge of the table and pointed it at her threateningly.

"Yeah! Attack her with hollow plastic tubes!" Melvin cheered from the popular kids table. Multiple children took their hollow plastic tubes and threw them at her from their seats.

Being straws most didn't go very far. Most of them just fell at her feet. Those that did only briefly impacted her head before falling harmlessly to the ground to join those that had fallen before hitting their target. Gaz turned her gaze downwards to looks at the pile of bendy strays lying at her feet. Everyone else stared too. She blinked once. She blinked twice.

"The straw revolution is at hand!" someone shouted after a short moment of silence.

"The inevitable war will be waged!"

"The prophecy will come true at last!"

"Grab your sporks soldiers so that we may do battle in the name of the Straw God!" Jessica shouted, jumping up onto the table. A chorus of cheers rang out. Lunch was all but forgotten as every student speed marched out of cafeteria to wage war against... I don't know, trees maybe? The people in this city are weird.

Alone in the cafeteria, Gaz made a quick _i'm-watching-you _gesture before shouting after her older brother, who had followed the crowd out of the room.

Seemingly alone, Zim went to work collecting all the leftover plates that the children carelessly left on their tables.

"Hey, whatcha doing the lunch ladies' jobs for green runt?"

Well maybe he wasn't as alone in here as he thought...

**Sorry for the short chapter guys. But hey, a small echo of a sound after about a year of silence is better than an eternity of nothing, right? Anyway, I might do something with the Straw Revolution later on in the story, maybe have the children create a cult that Zim, Gaz, Dib, and GiR have to deal with. They'll probably sacrifice a few sodas, or burn down trees or something. Next chapter shall hopefully be written shortly. Until then, tchuss! **


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